Saturday, May 8, 2010

diss organised

A change is coming over me. A change is coming over the world. The world is always changing, in flux. I definitely am. I'm in the cross exchange-settlement phase of my apartment purchase, and look forward to moving in during the second week of June. It'll be coming into winter. The apartment, with its ground level position and floorboards, will be cold. I'll make sure to bring my slippers with me.

I've lost interest in going out and playing music. I'm not even that driven to write anymore. Jesus, a year ago I was seriously into the idea of writing a book. Now I feel there's nothing to prove, and with that, why bother? I'm sure this is merely a phase, as it were, and I look forward to carrying on with narrative, prose, creative non-fiction, music reviews, and the rest of it over time. For the moment however, my mojo is entirely fixated on settling into my illustrious 42 square metres of good ol' ozzie Eden, and with that, paying off the mortgage that looms over me like King Kong. I am aware that I'm not the only one with a bank debt that looms over its mortgagee like King Kong. Apparently, I'm "not borrowing much", according to the bank manager. And it's true, most borrowing amounts now amount to the 500K to 1000K figure. That's an astounding amount of money. I grew up with the attitude that what you've got in your pocket is pretty much what you've got full-stop. The whole system of finance and money and its corporate swirl of economic lingo and six (seven) figure sums that swarm around like mosquitos in a tropical storm just totally eludes me. And in a way, I'm thankful for that.

I'm becoming fuzzy-headed with my friends too. I've been tired during weekdays and formulating vague plans with friends in the process. So when the weekend comes and I find I'm suddenly double-booked. I feel detached, weary, alone, but definitely not lonely. But I realise the importance of realigning my friendships and re-establishing some old connections that have drifted off, almost imperceptibly, over these past few years.

But I have the feeling that, as I move into my cold little apartment, I'll be spending a lot of time alone over these few coming months.

...I kind of like it that way.

Al-Anon

enjoying a bevvy Awakening to the ‘good’ in our lives and to the fulfilling sense of gratitude which follows often comes to us via ...